I feel like it is time to talk about Expectations.
It seems that no matter who I am talking to the subject of expectations comes up. This one word seems so loaded. As I write and talk I cannot help but wonder when expectations became a bad thing? Ok…maybe it is not a bad thing, but if can cause A LOT of frustration, disappointment, and down right sadness.
How is it one word can do so much damage to our psyche?
Let’s look at the word.
If you look at the definition, you notice that is a belief or feeling. This is why it can cause such damage. Feelings and beliefs are ours, not the collective. Let’s look quickly at beliefs, we all have our own set of beliefs, most of these were developed as we grew and have molded into what we are and believe today. Feelings are similar but different they are uniquely our own. None of us react the exact same way to any one thing. There are core experiences that happen in our life that are major contributors to the well of emotions that surface as our feelings.
How you react to someone or something is unique to you alone. So…then…. how can you place an expectation on something that is not yours to react to?
This is where we have a choice we can either express ourselves or remain silent and set ourselves up for disappointment.
What do I mean? Let’s say you are in a live in relationship and you expect your partner to do more around the house. Your expectation seems valid and just (to you). You assume that they wold see the mess and know that it needs to be taken care of, because you see the mess and you know it needs to be taken care of. Well…have you communicated this to them? Instantly you may be frustrated and say…NO, but come on the mess is right there. Sure, the mess may be there but have you considered that what you think is a mess may not seem like a mess to them? We all have our own thresholds for many different things including what we think is a mess and what isn’t. We also need to consider that fact that maybe we have done the job for so long the other person just assumes we will continue to do it. This is a common battle we all have….what is frustrating is that if we would only take the time to communicate with our partners about what are expectations are we could eliminate the majority of this frustration.
It is not a matter of telling them what we want them to do, it is about sharing our expectations on issues like this or ANY other issues.
When we share our expectations with people we let others know where we stand or what we expect. An important step in this process is listening to what the other persons expectations are as well. Often we don’t know what to say when we are asked, because we so often surround ourselves with people who think like we do, so we assume we are always on the same page. You see, expectations are really a fancy way of saying we assume something from someone. We all know the cute breakdown of the word assume…”you make an ass out of you and me”. Some times our assumptions are right and sometimes our expectations are met. If however you are finding that they are frequently not met…then maybe you need to look within and see if you are actually using your fifth chakra and communicating your truth.
Are you communicating what it is you want? If not why? What is causing your resistance? I would suggest meditating on your fifth chakra.
How do you meditate on your Fifth Chakra? There are many different ways to do this, one way you could is by incorporating it into your energy run. See below:
- running your energy
- connecting to earth and spirit.
- Go into your center of head
- pull down a reading screen
- Imagine your 5th Chakra (located in the center of your throat)
- While meditating look at this chakra, What do you see? What images or people pop up? Notice what you see.
- Imagine pulling energy up through each of your chakras…filling them with color, cleansing them
- Then place your boundary of roses around you
- Call all your energy back into a giant golden sun above your head
- pop it and let it completely fill you in.
- open your eyes and write down what you recall
This will provide you with some insight as to what you hold in your fifth chakra (where you speak your truth to yourself and others). Writing down what you experience will help you in decoding your block.
Even without “meditating” on the issue you could straight out plan a conversation with your partner to discuss each others expectations. This could be a very enlightening conversation. I think you will be amazed at what you learn from each other. The KEY is making sure that you both agree to maintaining a level of neutrality and amusement when communicating with each other, this will help create a safe environment for all involved.
Embrace your fifth chakra, be kind and remember to always speak your truth. Use the power of your heart to filter your words, by doing this you will always be communicating from a stance of love. Love is kind.