Dreams…of life, and dreams of death

I had an interesting dream last night…

When I was in my teens I actually kept a dream journal…and had some pretty amazing adventures…dreams within dreams, being aware that I was dreaming…watching my dream as though it were a movie…sleep was welcomed, it felt like an escape.

Then…it started to drift away, the awareness that is…of what I was dreaming. My awake life was becoming exciting, getting married…having children….sleep deprivation from having children…etc…
I occasionally would wake in the mornings to remember a dream and be all excited. I would recall the years I had with my dream world. The adventures we would go on, the things I would see and learn. I always felt I dreamt in color when asked… But I don’t recall any dreams strictly on color alone…per-say. However….off the topic of “dreams” on to a quick jump to life after death experiences…

I had an experience in my younger years…of smoking something that well….I think was laced. I remember going feeling very weird and deciding to get go into the bathroom, thought…if I am going to be sick, this is where I want this to happen. Once in the bathroom I looked in the mirror and saw myself as a skeleton. Crazy…this is what I remember thinking… I am going crazy, or…I am going to die. I left the bedroom to go lay down on my friends bed…at this point I could not hear anything…and as I made my way to the bedroom I fell…slowly as if I were Alice, falling down the rabbit hole. I never felt myself hit the floor… Never heard my friends yelling my name..I was alone in a room. A room full of doors. I saw fallout shelter signs everywhere (granted I am in my 40’s so some of you may not even know what a fallout shelter sign is (lucky you)). In this dark grey hall with all these doors was one door with a brilliant light seeping through all the cracks…wherever the door was not fully sealed a warm, white, beautiful light shined through. I was obviously drawn to this door. I opened it. Now… Again probably because of my age then and now… What I saw was for me, at that time in my life my version of paradise. Brilliant colors everywhere. A cartoon sky with fields of the greenest green…picture…willy wonks and the chocolate factory…but more vibrant and far more beautiful. I felt warm, loved, accepted, welcomed. I was happy, and very much at peace. I was greeted by my dog…and family, family I did not even know.
And from the sky above me I heard a voice…calling my name, breaking my silent reverie. I was startled by this voice…at first I thought it was God…then I thought it was an Angel…the voice was telling me to go back. That it was not time for me yet. That they were not ready…I was not ready. I mind argued with this beautiful voice… I was confused…I did not understand. I was told that I had many doors to open before I came through this door. This door was a promise. And the voice started to fad out, and take on a different sound… A different tone, I started to feel cold, and uncomfortable…and heard my name with panic and anxiety…and then for an instant I saw what I heard. I saw my friends over me…yelling…and slapping me…shaking me…I was above looking down… And then, in an instant I was in my body looking up at them. Awake.

I believe I died… And yet I also question, if I died. Did I imagine this beautiful place… Was it a hallucinogenic drug that I was slipped? Why no one else then and just me? What happened…who were all the people I saw?

That is the only thing closest to an experience or possible dream being in complete color…and being completely aware of the color.

Today when I woke, and remembered my dream…I woke so tired. I spent the night dreaming of racing to hide myself in a stairwell from anyone opening the door on any of the landings… I wasn’t trying to…be invisible, or…hide….really, more like trying to not be caught…not letting anyone know what direction I was going. The first thing I thought when I woke up was…wow…I felt like I was the girl with the dragon tattoo… Fleeing from potential captors. Weird!!! Every time I think I know what the dean was about… I get this feeling that it’s not that… It’s like I am rushing, fleeing to save my life or someone else’s. You know like in a movie, someone chasing someone in a stairwell with a gun….

I am sorry this entry became rather disjointed… My writing right now…is what ever comes out…it’s where my thoughts take me at any given moment. I know that it’s to help me see my path clearer…but in that process I am sure I confuse my readers. I do appreciate your insights and comments… Thank you for joining me on this journey…



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